I drove across state for my sister’s graduation. Close to 4:30, I get a call and answer it. I knew it was the women’s shelter for which I applied. And it was.
Of course, as with my expectation - I didn’t get the job.
This type of shit just feeds into my self-hate. I had a feeling I wouldn’t get the job. I just did. I feel like a loser and that I am not good enough, ever. I feel like a piece of shit.
So I didn’t get the job and then have to go back to the party and act all okay. It was tough. But I suppose the distraction helped. Now I can sit and wallow in my self-pity and feel shitty and stupid and like an idiot.
What did I do wrong?
She said they were impressed by me and would keep my application on file and if I wanted to, they could call me for a future job.
But it’s like, I try. And my interest is women’s issues. Fuck, my undergrad was sociology and women’s studies. What the fuck did I do wrong? I feel so fucking shitty. :( I want to go home, lay in my own bed, cry, and cuddle with my boyfriend.
I feel crazy.
I had a job interview last week and I haven’t heard back. I am being really obsessive, anxious, worried I will get a call, letter, or email that I haven’t gotten the job. It’s driving me extremely mad right now. I will feel like a loser or failure if I don’t get it. Plus on facebook, a friend of mine who graduated when I did said she was offered a therapy job in town. So of course I am thinking it’s the one I applied to. There aren’t many therapy jobs in my town open. Ugh. :(
I just want to find out, so I can feel depressed for a day or two and move on. I left the interview feeling I did really well, too. Which doesn’t happen.
But now I sit with an awful stomach feeling, shaking hands, and feeling so nervous. I sent them a “thank you” note yesterday.
Ugh, I just want to hear back.
I hate when people would tell me, I’d get it the job. Because I get my hopes up and when I don’t get the job, I feel lied to or something. I feel let down. Ugh, I hate this.
I’ve been thinking about this. Like, taking back the power my dad and ex have had over me for years.
I hate Mother’s Day.
