Sometimes I wonder when my kid will hit that age of wanting to lay in her room and listen to music and be sad. Like, doesn’t that happen to everyone? I know that happens to me still and I am not a teenager anymore. Sometimes I want to lay on the ground and cry and listen to music that makes me sad and to feel insane and awful and let all this shit out. I wonder if she will ever do this.
This song is so emotional for me. I remember when I first got sober, I listened to this album on repeat. I remember I was waiting for the bus and one of their songs played. It was super cold out, winter, I was wearing a ridiculous outfit, and felt so insane, yet knew I was doing the right thing by getting sober. I just remember feeling these reallly intense emotions whenever I listed to their albums, in particular this one.
It’s is kind of hard to imagine ever feeling feelings those intense again. Like, being hit by a pile of bricks and then trying to climb your way up while bricks and cemet and rocks are being thrown at you. Then hearing this one song that makes you feel slighly less insane and slightly less fucked up.
It’s so hard for me to imagine not feeing these feelings I felt.
It’s really hard to imagine how awful I felt in 2008. It was one of the worst times in my fucking life. I left an abusive man in 2006, get so drunk in 2007 … so much pain, then attempting to figure out shit in 2008. Since then it hasn’t been easy at all. I never know if I am deliberatey ignoring shit so I don’t have to deal. FUCK.
I always had some sort of comfort in feeling completely fucked up. I’m not sure why …
I WOULD LITERALLY DIE IF A BB SEAL CAME SCOOTING UP TO ME