Things to remember when I’m having a shitty day

- I left my abuser when I was 23 and had a 4 year old daughter in 2006.

- I moved back to my home state and started college in 2007.

- I got sober in 2008.

- I got my daughter in counseling for some of the abuse she witnessed and experienced. She still goes.

- I graduated with Honors with a BA in sociology and women studies in 2010.

- I got into an amazing PhD program, but declined because of lack of funding. I decided to get my MA in counseling instead.

- I cut off contact with my dad, who abused me but pretended like everything was oky.

- During my MA counseling program, I decided I NEEDED and HAD TO go to eating disorder treatment. It was the only way I could survive. So I drove an hour to AND from each week to go to my appointments. Sometimes more than once a week. I was also in graduate school and working 20 hours a week.

- After my MA in counseling, I pursued my Master’s in Public Health. I was still going to eating disorder treatment.

- I graduated with my MPH this past May.

- Now I work at a domestic violence shelter as the Coordinated Community Response Specialist. It’s a mile from my apartment. I have my own office and I can bike to work! And I can take walks on my breaks and go get treats at the bakery. And I really like it, even though I just started. I have recovery stuff hanging up, animals, photos of my daughter and boyfriend, nerd shit. 

- I have a really hard time accepting the positive things I’ve done in my life. It’s like, my life has been fucking super shitty at times and I’ve just accepted that is how it is. My mood can get really low, my anxiety can get high, and my eating disorder can creep up when I don’t expect it. 

- I have had a monogamous healthy open relationship since 2008.

- My daughter is doing well in all aspects of her life and she sees counseling as a positive thing and knows that it’s a good tool to have. 

I also think I feel super shitty when I see female lawmakers who get nominated as “women of the year.” (I know someone who did). And I’m like, I know soooo many more women who are completely more badass and amazing, seriously. I get being a lawmaker is tough but fuck, I know single moms who are in PhD programs and medical school. Moms who were teens when they had their children. Women who went into eating disorder treatment on the brink of death. Women who left their abusers so they could have better lives. Women who went homeless to get away. Like, fuck. They deserve it way more than the lawmakers. For real.

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