revolution of my life: learning to eat okay again
I started outpatient treatment for my eating disorder. I was diagnosed with an Eating Disorder: Not Otherwise Specified. I also struggle with addiction (sober over 3 years), depression, anxiety, PTSD, traits of Borderline Personality Disorder, and am a survivor of abuse. Other stuff about me: I am 31 and am the single mom of a 12 year old. ... and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.

The Mental Illness Directory

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Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)

(via ichigo-grrrl)

An abusive man is not unable to resolve conflicts nonabusively; he is unwilling to do so. The skill deficits of abusers have been the subject of a number of research studies, and the results lead to the following conclusion: Abusers have normal abilities in conflict resolution, communication, and assertiveness when they choose to use them. They typically get through tense situations at work without threatening anyone; they manage their stress without exploding when they spend Thanksgiving with their parents; they share openly with their siblings regarding their sadness over a grandparent’s death. But they don’t want to handle these kinds of issues nonabusively when it involves their partners. You can equip an abuser with the most innovative, New Age skills for expressing his deep emotions, listening actively, and using win-win bargaining, and then he will go home and continue abusing.

"You’re breaking my heart. You’re tearing it apart, so fuck you."

(Source: gifthetv)

Jenny Lewis - Completely Not Me →

Yes, please. 

Sometimes I wonder when my kid will hit that age of wanting to lay in her room and listen to music and be sad. Like, doesn’t that happen to everyone? I know that happens to me still and I am not a teenager anymore. Sometimes I want to lay on the ground and cry and listen to music that makes me sad and to feel insane and awful and let all this shit out. I wonder if she will ever do this.

how come some songs make me feel like I am melting into a puddle of emotional insanity?!

Pictures of Success - Rilo Kiley [HQ] →

This song is so emotional for me. I remember when I first got sober, I listened to this album on repeat. I remember I was waiting for the bus and one of their songs played. It was super cold out, winter, I was wearing a ridiculous outfit, and felt so insane, yet knew I was doing the right thing by getting sober. I just remember feeling these reallly intense emotions whenever I listed to their albums, in particular this one. 

It’s is kind of hard to imagine ever feeling feelings those intense again. Like, being hit by a pile of bricks and then trying to climb your way up while bricks and cemet and rocks are being thrown at you. Then hearing this one song that makes you feel slighly less insane and slightly less fucked up.

It’s so hard for me to imagine not feeing these feelings I felt. 

It’s really hard to imagine how awful I felt in 2008. It was one of the worst times in my fucking life. I left an abusive man in 2006, get so drunk in 2007 … so much pain, then attempting to figure out shit in 2008. Since then it hasn’t been easy at all. I never know if I am deliberatey ignoring shit so I don’t have to deal. FUCK.

I always had some sort of comfort in feeling completely fucked up. I’m not sure why … 

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